Monday, September 5, 2011

The Door Swung Open.....

The first writer's challenge of the campaign asked for a 200 word story beginning with the words, "The door swung open" and ending with the words, "the door swung shut."   Below is my piece.  How long does it take for you to figure out who she is and what she is looking for?  

Enjoy!

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The door swung open, silently.  

She looked carefully at every inch before her.  Over the counter, around the cupboards, beside the appliances.  Nothing.

Instincts tightened, senses heightened, she took one step, then another.  She knew, she absolutely knew something was there. 

Perhaps what she heard was something else?  Someone instead of something? 

But, no.  She knew exactly what it was.  It was hiding now, but she would find it.  She knew every nook and cranny of this room.  The precisely lined containers along the marble countertop would reveal, not conceal.  The mirror-like, spotless stainless steel refrigerator and stove reflected nothing.

Slinking, she moved again.  The Italian tiles were smooth, cool beneath her feet and absorbed her steps.  Carefully she peeked around the corner. 

There it was; clearly cloaked in fear, trembling. 

She strode across the floor, then, confidently swaggering.  With great disdain she looked down upon the mouse like a mighty hunter about to take its prey.  Eyes narrowed, she licked her lips, twitched her whiskers and tail in unison.   “Too small,” she thought.

Emboldened by fear, the mouse made one last ditch effort to escape.  It jumped into action, skidded gracelessly through the opening and the door swung shut.


46 comments:

  1. It took me until the prey was revealed to realize who "she" was. Masterful! So well described.

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  2. Thanks! It was fun to write. I think I'm going to enjoy these challenges!

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  3. I agree with the others. This was wonderful.

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  4. Fabulous! Great new perspective! It is amazing how many different stories those opening words are conjuring... ~ Nadja

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  5. Interesting game of cat and mouse! :)

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  6. What is it that you love the most about the Campaign?

    I really didn't know what to expect out of it, but personally it's reading everyone else's blogs that is most inspiring to me. I jump out of bed and run to Google Reader just to see what's new today. :)

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  7. Awesome! ...I doubly love it 'cause of the black cat picture ;)

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  8. I love all the new blogs I'm finding. The information, the contacts, the perspectives. I have spent the last 6 years working and going to school full-time. Enjoyable reading and writing was on a way-back burner. Now I play again and I'm loving this new avenue. So fun to meet you all!

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  9. This was so much fun and exciting! Wonderful job on the challenge, and love the added pic!

    Marie

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  10. This was very cleverly written, enjoyed it very much.

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  11. How fun! Your kitty should meet the dog that was in the E.T. screenplay book. Hilarious.

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  12. LOL! This is fun. So intense and then a twist with the cat and mouse. Good job. :)

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  13. pompous kitty toys with pesky rodent
    <o\/
    <o/\

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  14. Great! Hit a cat's behavior right on the head!

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  15. Great job, very cute! The photo of the cat gave it away early on, LOL. New follower here, stopping by from the campaign trail:)

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  16. Excellent descriptions! I wasn't expecting it to be a cat. Nicely done.

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  17. Colorful descriptions . Fun story!

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  18. I love that your character is a cat! I got an excellent sense of the room, your descriptions were fantastic. Nice work!

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  19. I like that I wasn't sure it was a cat at first. nice job. I'm #72

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  20. Great job. Loved being in a cat's mind for a brief moment. Fun!

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  21. Nice! You took me on a mouse hunt through the cat's POV. Awesome. Wasn't expecting that.

    Great job, Kris! :)

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  22. I'd be upset if my cat missed a mouse! Fun piece!

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  23. Very tricky I had no idea..just had a dead mouse in the middle of my kitchen floor..YUK!!
    I am so enjoying finding all these creative blogs and meeting such great people!

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  24. That was fun.
    I love it how people use metaphor in terms of scene. I was going off the chain thinking about a very extreme Predator/prey rendition of the scene, to then come back to earth with this all-too-related scene.
    I love it when that sort of metaphor happens, it gives me goose bumps, and I just got finished reading another challenge that did that too, so I'm really tingly right now.
    Plus you have a picture of a cat!!
    jesus I'm getting off topic, too much tinkles in my back.
    Good job! I just finished my entry too.

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  25. Thanks, all. Glad you enjoyed it. Writing straight fiction for me is a bit of a challenge in itself. I have obviously watched a pompous cat in my time...

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  26. This is the first one I've read where the protag is an animal, fun story!

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  27. Masterfully had us convinced until the end that it was something else!

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  28. Love it! Must admit I'm a real cat person :-)

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  29. This was charming! Nice suspense, with me thinking, oh no, she's in danger until I saw the mouse. Nice job!

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  30. This is really great! Well done with keeping it hidden who "she" was! This is one of my favorites!

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  31. Oh, what fun! I have 3 cats, love them!

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  32. Kris, just wanted to add...ta dum! I've given you an award, so stop on by my blog!

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  33. What a fun perspective! I didn't catch that the protag was a cat until "whiskers". I'm quite glad the mouse escaped, they're just too dang cute. ;)

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  34. nicely done! I love the atmosphere! And the cat POV was a great twist!

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  35. That's so my cat. Well done - I was a little confused at first - but the ending cleared me up.

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  36. Writing from the cat's perspective, you nearly caught me out! If your cat can do a better job send it my way, I have some field mouse intruders that could do with being dispatched. ;)

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  37. What a cute story. Well written with an fun twist. :D

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  38. I'm a first round judge for this competition and just wanted to let you know you've been picked as top five from my section to go through to round two in the campaigner challenge.

    Congratulations!

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  39. Cheryl - thanks so much! How fun! Glad you enjoyed it. This has been a very fun experience.

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  40. Kris. So, it's almost three years after you wrote the above story! I love it!! This must be included in one your books; perhaps, a collection of short stories for all ages or short children stories? �� lfa

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