Monday, September 5, 2011

The Door Swung Open.....

The first writer's challenge of the campaign asked for a 200 word story beginning with the words, "The door swung open" and ending with the words, "the door swung shut."   Below is my piece.  How long does it take for you to figure out who she is and what she is looking for?  

Enjoy!

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The door swung open, silently.  

She looked carefully at every inch before her.  Over the counter, around the cupboards, beside the appliances.  Nothing.

Instincts tightened, senses heightened, she took one step, then another.  She knew, she absolutely knew something was there. 

Perhaps what she heard was something else?  Someone instead of something? 

But, no.  She knew exactly what it was.  It was hiding now, but she would find it.  She knew every nook and cranny of this room.  The precisely lined containers along the marble countertop would reveal, not conceal.  The mirror-like, spotless stainless steel refrigerator and stove reflected nothing.

Slinking, she moved again.  The Italian tiles were smooth, cool beneath her feet and absorbed her steps.  Carefully she peeked around the corner. 

There it was; clearly cloaked in fear, trembling. 

She strode across the floor, then, confidently swaggering.  With great disdain she looked down upon the mouse like a mighty hunter about to take its prey.  Eyes narrowed, she licked her lips, twitched her whiskers and tail in unison.   “Too small,” she thought.

Emboldened by fear, the mouse made one last ditch effort to escape.  It jumped into action, skidded gracelessly through the opening and the door swung shut.


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45 comments:

  1. elizabethanneSeptember 5, 2011 at 8:30 AM

    It took me until the prey was revealed to realize who "she" was. Masterful! So well described.

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  2. Stacy S. JensenSeptember 5, 2011 at 8:59 AM

    Wonderful. Great story.

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  3. Kris A. NewManSeptember 5, 2011 at 9:27 AM

    Thanks! It was fun to write. I think I'm going to enjoy these challenges!

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  4. Tracey JosephSeptember 5, 2011 at 9:59 AM

    I agree with the others. This was wonderful.

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  5. Nadja NotarianiSeptember 5, 2011 at 10:06 AM

    Fabulous! Great new perspective! It is amazing how many different stories those opening words are conjuring... ~ Nadja

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  6. AnonymousSeptember 5, 2011 at 11:43 AM

    What is it that you love the most about the Campaign?

    I really didn't know what to expect out of it, but personally it's reading everyone else's blogs that is most inspiring to me. I jump out of bed and run to Google Reader just to see what's new today. :)

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  7. 1000th.monkeySeptember 5, 2011 at 12:12 PM

    Awesome! ...I doubly love it 'cause of the black cat picture ;)

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  8. Kris A. NewManSeptember 5, 2011 at 12:40 PM

    I love all the new blogs I'm finding. The information, the contacts, the perspectives. I have spent the last 6 years working and going to school full-time. Enjoyable reading and writing was on a way-back burner. Now I play again and I'm loving this new avenue. So fun to meet you all!

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  9. Marie AndrewsSeptember 5, 2011 at 1:13 PM

    This was so much fun and exciting! Wonderful job on the challenge, and love the added pic!

    Marie

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  10. Alleged AuthorSeptember 5, 2011 at 1:14 PM

    Love that your character is a cat!

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  11. AnonymousSeptember 5, 2011 at 1:34 PM

    This was very cleverly written, enjoyed it very much.

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  12. Donna K. WeaverSeptember 5, 2011 at 3:04 PM

    How fun! Your kitty should meet the dog that was in the E.T. screenplay book. Hilarious.

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  13. Abby FowersSeptember 5, 2011 at 3:35 PM

    LOL! This is fun. So intense and then a twist with the cat and mouse. Good job. :)

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  14. Tara TylerSeptember 5, 2011 at 3:56 PM

    pompous kitty toys with pesky rodent
    <o\/
    <o/\

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  15. ruth.the.writerSeptember 5, 2011 at 4:35 PM

    Great! Hit a cat's behavior right on the head!

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  16. Gwen GardnerSeptember 5, 2011 at 5:00 PM

    Great job, very cute! The photo of the cat gave it away early on, LOL. New follower here, stopping by from the campaign trail:)

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  17. AnonymousSeptember 5, 2011 at 7:10 PM

    The cat was great;)

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  18. Christine RainsSeptember 5, 2011 at 8:59 PM

    Excellent descriptions! I wasn't expecting it to be a cat. Nicely done.

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  19. MsMarySeptember 5, 2011 at 9:26 PM

    Colorful descriptions . Fun story!

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  20. Cortney PearsonSeptember 5, 2011 at 10:54 PM

    I love that your character is a cat! I got an excellent sense of the room, your descriptions were fantastic. Nice work!

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  21. bridgetstraub.comSeptember 5, 2011 at 11:49 PM

    I like that I wasn't sure it was a cat at first. nice job. I'm #72

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  22. Kathy MehlSeptember 6, 2011 at 1:11 AM

    Great job. Loved being in a cat's mind for a brief moment. Fun!

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  23. David P. KingSeptember 6, 2011 at 2:57 PM

    Nice! You took me on a mouse hunt through the cat's POV. Awesome. Wasn't expecting that.

    Great job, Kris! :)

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  24. Theresa MilsteinSeptember 6, 2011 at 5:16 PM

    I'd be upset if my cat missed a mouse! Fun piece!

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  25. J.R. WilliamsSeptember 6, 2011 at 5:55 PM

    Fun post. Cute pic!

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  26. DoreenSeptember 7, 2011 at 1:07 AM

    Very tricky I had no idea..just had a dead mouse in the middle of my kitchen floor..YUK!!
    I am so enjoying finding all these creative blogs and meeting such great people!

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  27. MyTricksterGodSeptember 7, 2011 at 2:59 AM

    That was fun.
    I love it how people use metaphor in terms of scene. I was going off the chain thinking about a very extreme Predator/prey rendition of the scene, to then come back to earth with this all-too-related scene.
    I love it when that sort of metaphor happens, it gives me goose bumps, and I just got finished reading another challenge that did that too, so I'm really tingly right now.
    Plus you have a picture of a cat!!
    jesus I'm getting off topic, too much tinkles in my back.
    Good job! I just finished my entry too.

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  28. Kris A. NewManSeptember 7, 2011 at 6:15 AM

    Thanks, all. Glad you enjoyed it. Writing straight fiction for me is a bit of a challenge in itself. I have obviously watched a pompous cat in my time...

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  29. AlyssaSeptember 7, 2011 at 8:56 AM

    Great story! :)

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  30. catherinemjohnson.comSeptember 7, 2011 at 10:34 AM

    This is the first one I've read where the protag is an animal, fun story!

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  31. JoannaSeptember 7, 2011 at 11:56 AM

    Masterfully had us convinced until the end that it was something else!

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  32. UnknownSeptember 7, 2011 at 4:27 PM

    Love it! Must admit I'm a real cat person :-)

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  33. Elizabeth Varadan, AuthorSeptember 7, 2011 at 5:06 PM

    This was charming! Nice suspense, with me thinking, oh no, she's in danger until I saw the mouse. Nice job!

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  34. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 7, 2011 at 7:59 PM

    This is really great! Well done with keeping it hidden who "she" was! This is one of my favorites!

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  35. UnknownSeptember 7, 2011 at 9:25 PM

    Oh, what fun! I have 3 cats, love them!

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  36. Cortney PearsonSeptember 7, 2011 at 11:04 PM

    Kris, just wanted to add...ta dum! I've given you an award, so stop on by my blog!

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  37. Alica McKenna JohnsonSeptember 7, 2011 at 11:27 PM

    Very fun

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  38. Amanda MilnerSeptember 8, 2011 at 8:06 PM

    What a fun perspective! I didn't catch that the protag was a cat until "whiskers". I'm quite glad the mouse escaped, they're just too dang cute. ;)

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  39. AnonymousSeptember 8, 2011 at 8:08 PM

    nicely done! I love the atmosphere! And the cat POV was a great twist!

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  40. K.T. HannaSeptember 9, 2011 at 6:24 PM

    That's so my cat. Well done - I was a little confused at first - but the ending cleared me up.

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  41. UnknownSeptember 10, 2011 at 9:26 AM

    Writing from the cat's perspective, you nearly caught me out! If your cat can do a better job send it my way, I have some field mouse intruders that could do with being dispatched. ;)

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  42. CherylAnne HamSeptember 10, 2011 at 11:06 AM

    What a cute story. Well written with an fun twist. :D

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  43. Aimee L. SalterSeptember 10, 2011 at 6:18 PM

    I'm a first round judge for this competition and just wanted to let you know you've been picked as top five from my section to go through to round two in the campaigner challenge.

    Congratulations!

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  44. Kris A. NewManSeptember 11, 2011 at 7:30 AM

    Cheryl - thanks so much! How fun! Glad you enjoyed it. This has been a very fun experience.

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  45. AnonymousJanuary 26, 2014 at 2:41 PM

    Kris. So, it's almost three years after you wrote the above story! I love it!! This must be included in one your books; perhaps, a collection of short stories for all ages or short children stories? �� lfa

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